Posted October 13, 2020
THE BASICSA comprehensive, detailed, and documented parenting plan, like a peace treaty, will help parents avoid future battles. This way, parenting disagreements will not escalate into conflicts.
A good parenting plan cannot anticipate every possible conflict. But it can identify likely issues and provide a roadmap for handling issues that are not easily resolved. Co-parenting and the absence of conflict will help your children adjust to the new family structure. It will help them thrive in this uncertain world.
I have worked with divorcing clients for more than 25 years. I have focused on helping parents avoid court while establishing a safe and healthy co-parenting relationship. During COVID many couples have been able to develop successful nesting and parenting plans to stabilize their families. In fact, my book, The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting was released in September.
Most divorces include a basic schedule of sharing time with your children. A more thoughtful parenting plan will ensure the success of your co-parenting experience.
What is a thoughtful parenting plan?
Parents who work with a divorce coach or experienced family therapist can anticipate many issues that will predictably arise. The plan documents how you will deal with them. If both parents participate in the development of the parenting plan, and willingly commit to the very detailed and explicit agreements in the plan, co-parenting will go much more smoothly.
Parenting plans are often attached to and filed with the final divorce papers, the Marital Settlement Agreement. However, the parenting plan is a “living document.” That is, you can make changes in the plan at any time, by mutual agreement. As your children grow, as your circumstances change, you will want to revisit and revise your plan to fit your current needs.
Why You Need a Parenting Plan
Traditionally, the parenting plan has been about child custody and the legal authority to make decisions on behalf of the children. This bare-bones plan does little to support a healthy co-parenting relationship during the initial period of separation and post-divorce. Research has shown us that the single most harmful aspect of a divorce for children is parents in conflict.
Conflict hurts kids when it continues after the divorce is over. Many adult children of divorce will confirm this. Even when parents feel that they shield the children from conflict, children will absorb the parents’ stress. A child told me that he could tell when his mom and dad had been arguing by how his mom hugged him. Children have sensitive conflict radar detectors and are keen observers.
Given the research, I have found that a more comprehensive and detailed parenting plan will help parents avoid future battles. With a plan, co-parenting disagreements or skirmishes will not escalate into conflicts. Even the best parenting plan cannot anticipate every possible conflict. But it can identify likely issues and provide a roadmap for handling the ones that are not easily resolved. The plan is co-created by the parents working together. Often parents seek the help of a divorce specialist. The plan is unique to each family and tailored to the needs of each family member.
THE BASICSHow to Create a Successful Parenting Plan
